


even when the four seasons change, I don’t

by ohjenniekim



Series: hope not [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, jennie is sad and mopey, lisa just wants jennie to be okay again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23885317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohjenniekim/pseuds/ohjenniekim
Summary: Jennie never brought Jisoo up during her weekly lunches with Lisa. Today was different.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo
Series: hope not [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721476
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	even when the four seasons change, I don’t

It’s a harmless question that Jennie knows the answer to. She doesn’t even know what prompts her mouth to ask that question, but she feels like dying inside with every thought of _her_ , so she doesn’t see the harm in doing so.

“Jisoo?” Lisa asks back. “Well, you know… She’s good, I guess.”

Jennie rolls her eyes at Lisa’s attempt to be vague. “I’m not going to break.”

Lisa looks up at her, her eyes softening. “I know,” she stays quiet for a moment. “Do you really want to know?”

Jennie looks hesitant, but she nods.

“She’s happy,” Lisa states. “She’s seeing someone. She met him three months ago, at Seulgi’s party, the one you didn’t come to.”

Jennie averts her gaze down to her food. She knows this, she sees his face every time she opens Jisoo’s _Instagram—_ a habit that she should stop doing if she wants to stop the aching in her heart.

“Jen…” Lisa sighs, placing her hand on top of Jennie’s. 

“I’m fine, Lisa,” she tries to act nonchalant, but Jennie is never good at hiding her emotions. “I’m glad that she’s happy again.”

Lisa purses her lips, looking like she’s about to say something. After a few seconds she does, “She asked about you too, you know.”

“Really?” Jennie hates how her tone sounds, as if she’s been waiting for that to happen.

“In passing once, when we were having dinner at her place,” Lisa takes a deep breath. “Just, how you were and stuff.”

Jennie nods. That’s better than nothing. That means Jisoo still remembers her somehow.

As if Lisa can read her mind, she says, “She’s not going to forget you, Jen.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But I know you.” Lisa places her utensils down, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “By the way, this food is so good. We should come here more often. I know Rosie would love it.”

“I miss her,” when Lisa gives her a look, she corrects herself. “Chaeyoung, I mean.”

Lisa looks regretful. “She misses you too. She’s sorry she couldn’t make lunch, she’s been really busy these days. Starting an entertainment company isn’t that easy, it seems. ”

“You two are okay… right?” Jennie knows the answer to this too, but she just needs the confirmation.

“We are,” Lisa says, her eyes instantly lighting up. “We’re set with moving next month. You’re coming to the house-warming party right?”

Jennie knows that if she does, she’ll see Jisoo. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to see her again, especially now that she has someone new. Seeing her ex-fiancé with her new boyfriend on her phone screen is one thing, seeing it in front of her own eyes is another.

Lisa, sensing Jennie’s reluctance, gives her a small smile. “You don’t have to, I’m sorry that was thoughtless. How about, Chaeyoung and I will text you when it’s over, and you can come then?”

With the amount of gatherings Jennie has missed, she starts to feel bad. She knows her situation with Jisoo is placing their mutual friends in an uncomfortable position. So she swallows her heartbreak once more and smiles at the blonde in front of her. “Don’t be silly, of course I’ll be there.”

“If you’re sure. We can always have our own after-party.”

Jennie shakes her head. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I think I need to see the rest, they’ve been bugging to meet me.”

Lisa laughs. “Irene won’t shut up about how you only accept to go for lunch with Rosie and I.”

“Yeah,” Jennie grimaces. “It’s hard when all of my friends are her friends too. Every time I see them, I just get reminded of her. I need the break.”

“Do Rosie and I not remind you of her?” Lisa looks genuinely curious.

“That’s different,” Jennie shrugs. “I’ve known you guys since forever, you two are my best friends. I can’t just _not_ see you. Even if you do remind me of her, I just have to suck it up.”

“Fair point.”

“What did you mean earlier, by the way?”

Lisa looks at her questioningly, “What about?”

Jennie stays silent, staring intently at her food. When Lisa is about to ask her one more time, she speaks up, “About her not forgetting me.”

“Oh, you know,” Lisa takes a sip of her drink. “When you two were together, you were always worried that she would forget you, which I still don’t know where that came from. She was crazy about you.”

“I don’t know either.”

That’s a lie. Jennie knows perfectly why she acted the way she did, but she’s never going to tell anyone about it. It's because she knows that Jisoo deserves better than her. She knows she can never give the love that Jisoo wanted, and even though she still loves the older girl in her own way, she wasn’t going to let Jisoo stay unhappy with her. Jennie knows that she wasn’t meant for Jisoo, she just needs to start accepting it so she can move on.

When Lisa doesn’t reply, Jennie speaks again, “It’s pathetic isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“Me.”

Lisa stares at Jennie in disbelief. “Don’t say that.”  
  
“It’s true,” Jennie shrugs. “It’s been a year. She moved on, while I’m still stuck here.”

“People heal at their own time.”

Jennie takes a deep breath. “Maybe I’m not meant to heal. I only gave her pain when we were together, maybe this is my punishment.”

“Stop beating yourself down, Jennie.” Lisa looks sad, and Jennie curses herself for always putting the mood down.

“I can’t help it, I’m sorry.” Jennie tries her best to give Lisa a genuine smile. “I’ll get better. For all of you.”

Lisa leans forward, taking Jennie’s hand in hers. “I want you to get better for yourself.”

Jennie knows that, but she still can’t help but feel that she doesn’t deserve to get better.

“I kissed Kai,” Jennie reminds Lisa. “When my fiancé was waiting for me at home.”

Lisa squeezes her hand even further. “I know you have your reasons. Not that I condone cheating,” Lisa grimaces. “It’s just… You loved Jisoo so much, you wouldn’t do anything to ruin your relationship. Something must’ve happened.”

“I don’t know, I can’t seem to remember my excuse anymore.”

Lisa shrugs. “Well, that’s in the past. Like you said, Jisoo has moved on. It’s fine if you start doing the same, Jen.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Lisa grins at her. “That’s better than nothing.”

Jennie smiles back at her. “Let’s go. You told Rosie you’re on your way thirty minutes ago, she’s going to wonder where you are.”

And when Lisa laughs, Jennie can’t help but laugh back. “She can wait. I see her everyday.”

“You’re lucky,” Jennie gives a wistful smile. “Spending the rest of your days with the one you love.”

“You’ll find someone again, Jen.”

Jennie knows her answer, “ _probably not,”_ and she’s about to say that when she sees the hopeful look on Lisa’s face. So she puts on her best smile and swallows the bitter feeling in her mouth, “Sure.”


End file.
